November 8 wasn’t a regular day in London where I was, and perhaps in many places in the world. It was the US presidential election and I remember almost everyone awake in London at 0300 GMT were shocked to see that Donald Trump got several battleground states. I was one of those people; in fact, my phone kept on buzzing with notifications about Trump. One of those alerts, however, was an extraordinary email. When the world received bad news about the US election, I got a fair share of bad, or even worse news that would ultimately change my plans in Beijing.
It was difficult to deal with that problem given that I was on a holiday in London and had made some merrymaking plans in the city. Just a week prior to when I was in Belfast, I was told by my older brother that our grandma passed away due to complications after a diabetic coma. And before that, I had a rough time mapping out things for my travel. So the blitz of this news almost got me worrying and distressed in the middle of my vacation that I thought I should just go on exploring in the day and continue thinking about all other things at night.
So going back to London, that email made me scramble and sleepless. But I still went on and did my original itinerary of visiting St. Paul’s Cathedral, the Tower of London, the Tower Bridge and the London Eye. It was at the Crown Jewels Gallery (note 1) in the Tower of London where I saw the priceless Koh-i-nor Diamond (note 2), which made me remember my laoshi and mentor, Laurie Lew. We had a conversation about the famed diamond just months back when I wrote a story about it. She laughed at me then when I told her I didn’t know what that diamond was for and how historically significant it was. So I messaged her just moments after I saw the Koh-i-nor; she replied she wanted something similar. After all, diamonds are really girls’ best friend.
I also bought my medieval-themed planner at the Tower of London gift shop. Too bad I didn’t take a photo of it in the stand as I was eyeing to buy one of these cool medieval stuff. The Tower Bridge is just a few minutes’ walk from the Tower of London. Going there, I was thinking about the email and the plans I should do after my vacation. I was on the third week and penultimate leg of my trip and I still had a few days remaining to contemplate. However, the pressing thought of all things that happened in the past few days had left me reeling and feeling uneasy.
The Penultimate Day
Fast forward to December (note 3) and my last two weeks in the office have been somewhat more distressing. I kept my situation from others for at least a month, and when I found the will to tell a handful of colleagues and close friends about it, things went awry. I had made plans but most of them went off course as almost every day I receive new developments about my prospects that I felt tired of thinking and overthinking. That’s when I started going off course and just continued my great European journey — well in China. I went to the Temple of Heaven where I saw the gray that I didn’t like, spent winter at “Summer” (Palace), and did some worthwhile activities like continuing my blog posts and trying to make the best Oreo tart out there.
On my penultimate day in the office, which happened to be a partly not-so-good one (physically) because I looked so stressed that there were pimples on my face (duh), I wore a Christmassy attire and a Santa hat. My officemates found me cute because I had the courage to wear that Santa hat despite them not caring about what Christmas meant for (me). I was with colleagues from the Philippines, Singapore, and my mentor-slash-Santa-Baker. She brought us a lot of Christmas cookies. Being the greedy and moocher Andy I was, I messaged Laurie the day before telling her to bake me a chocolate cake (which she never did anyway haha).
I told Paolo and Natalie (Filipino and Singaporean colleagues respectively) about my last day and they were somewhat surprised but told me they respected my decision not to tell them in advance. Laurie, on the other hand, cut a frozen durian cake bought by a Chinese writer for our mini-Christmas lunch. I told her and Natalie that I was planning to make a fruit salad but Laurie joked, “What for? Christmas is already gone!” I was supposed to give them a homemade flan, but didn’t have the ingredients to make it sadly. Later in the afternoon, Laurie was everywhere in the newsroom — handing out her Christmas cookies to everyone; at 3:00 PM I already had four cookies. And yes, I’m that greedy!
Just minutes before the end of my shift, Laurie approached me and gave a plastic bag half-full of assorted cookies. “I don’t know whether I can still see you,” she said (I heard her voice crack, though). “Yes, soon” I said. “Did you already…” “Yes, I have” and then she tapped my knee and left. “Merry Christmas Laurie,” I said while I was teary-eyed, looking at the assorted goodies she gave me.
I felt doing that made me remember my first day in the office when I met Laurie, who claimed she was a “cranky and bitter old woman.” Aside from training, Laurie has provided me advice on personal and professional matters, as well as office rations of baked goods when we’re together. She also brought out the baker Andy in me — that’s why I started cooking and baking (not the baking per se lol but more of no-baked munchies). I consider her my office grandma and myself her spoiled grandson. I feel so lucky that somehow I’ve been able to talk to her that way — she’s known in the office as an ultra-hard and autocratic editor whom Chinese staff doesn’t want to have any interaction with.
“Sad” Christmas Eve
On my way to the restaurant where Cindy (my classmate who’s also working at CCTV) and I will celebrate Christmas, my brother video-called me on WeChat to show the festivities going on at our house. Our usual table — spaghetti, fruit salad, fried chicken, and all other things. But I noticed something was missing — my grandma. After asking my brother to hand over the phone to his wife, to my siblings, to our family friends, to our pet (which also lost his partner), and to my parents, a part of me was looking for my grandma. The last time I saw her was before I returned to China; she was bedridden and couldn’t open her eyes or directly look at me. However, she still stood up and gave me a blessing (the sign of the Cross and prayed to God to keep me safe). I held her hand and made a mano gesture. I remember me saying “Ingat ka Mommy, aalis na ako papuntang China” (Take care, Mommy [our name for our grandma], I’m leaving for China) and not talking that much because I felt I would cry had I hugged her. I should’ve done it.
My brother had asked me if I wanted to see our grandma’s coffin, or to see her for one last time. I said no because I wanted to preserve my last memory of her — the steadfast and caring lola who always prayed for us.
It’s a sad Christmas, indeed. I was here in Beijing, and my lola passed away.
Goodbyes mean new beginnings
I wrote this article during my last day in the office. I started it at 2:00 PM and occasionally stopped to do my work. It’s 6:35 PM by the time I reached this point. Just minutes ago, I said goodbye to Catherine Chu, one of the line producers in the newsroom. She was also surprised to know I’m leaving — but I was more surprised to hear one revelation of hers that I wouldn’t tell here. Though I told her to keep in touch in WeChat. And we’ll definitely do it.
Looking at the length of this article makes me think to cut some parts or put them in a separate blog. Anyway~~ I didn’t have my Christmas gift for Laurie on Christmas Eve, but I think I found a perfect present that will surely make her remember me haha. I already gave an aguinaldo or cash gift to my siblings and my parents but I guess my presence is much better.
I must say this period of contemplating has made me realize a lot of things in life that I missed, not only because of chance but also oversight and overthinking. I lost many important things while I was on that journey, unintentionally hurt others in its wake, and made goodbyes in the run-up of my last day in the office. It’s 6:46 PM by this point and I’m down on my last few minutes at the newsroom and in the company. It’s been a roller-coaster journey that have taught me a lot and made me become better. I met new people who widened up my perspective, and I reached Europe for my professional and personal development. Many other people who knew my situation said CCTV’s not the end — it’s just the beginning. CCTV has become my doorstep to other exciting things to come in 2017, and I claim that. As the cliche says every ending is a new beginning — I’m looking forward to doing more sensational things in 2017!
Merry Christmas and may the blessing of the Good Lord be upon us all this coming new year.
Side note 1: When I told my American hostel roommate how I was so amazed when I saw the Koh-i-nor diamond at the Crown Jewels Gallery, he laughed and said “crown jewels” is an American slang for a man’s genitals.
Side note 2: Photo-taking inside the Crown Jewels Gallery is prohibited so I’m just using a stock photo.
Side note 3: I’ll discuss the UK leg of my journey in London and Edinburgh in another post.
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