#AtoZChallenge – Pandemic Journal: The Anxiety Creature

2020 seemed to be the Year of Clear Vision.

“Focus” sounded fresh.

Were you among the people who said “Looking forward to 2020” the prior year?

So far, 2020 has been crap to almost everyone. Three months on and we are still embroiled in some form of dizzying events. And although it may sound grim and improper, anxiety is the opener for my Pandemic Journal, the theme of my Blogging from #AtoZChallenge this year.

The sight of this word alone is enough to evoke a feeling of uneasiness. Hearing this a-word is enough to conjure up a creature slowly creeping into the crevices of the mind, disabling our abilities to function–to look and move forward.

Of course, who wouldn’t be anxious given the uncertainties we face nowadays? We want answers. We demand logic. We fear the unknown. We do not want to stay in the dark–together with that creature.

And so staying in this state does you nothing.

—

It took me five hours to get to this line. I’d been gulping green tea since this morning (of March 30, when I wrote this entry). That’s how I struggled to explain my thoughts. There were apprehensions at the back of my mind because something was telling me there is a better word to open this 26-part journal.

The anxiety creature.

Even in this chronicle, I still feel it because even though life in Beijing is getting back to normal (I’m at a Starbucks store while writing this), my mind is cluttered with thoughts at home (because Manila is bearing the brunt of the pandemic, and I’m worried about my family and friends).

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is still anxiety in action.

I just voiced it out, damn you, anxiety creature!

I find that writing down the thoughts that make you anxious is just like an answer that brings you catharsis, or a GPS that gets you through a mind maze, or a sword that scares away that creature in the brain, or a flashlight that illuminates your way.

And that is my very response to the anxiety creature lurking in my mind. What is yours?

There’s no sense in staying anxious.

And so is fearing the anxiety creature.

Remember the promise of this year: focus and clear vision.

Because all the creature can do is to blur your way.

Tackle it head-on.

What’s your response? Writing is my way. What’s yours?

Acknowledge the feeling it evokes.

Because only then can you know how it affects you.

And act on it.

Because there’s no sense making the anxiety creature lord us over.

 

Photo: M. von Steinkirch via Pexels