#AtoZChallenge in China: Péngyǒu (朋友 Friend)

Today’s #AtoZChallenge is about making friends in China. Our word is péngyou (朋友) or “friend”!

In my entry for N, Nǐ hǎo, It’s Me, I mentioned that a simple nǐ hǎo (你好) or hello can start a conversation … despite the language barrier. I speak it from experience — even the most snub and grumpy Chinese will lighten up when a foreigner starts a “Nǐ hǎo!” (with a smiley).
When you break that first and usually awkward barrier, it will be easy to “talk” to a Chinese, even if the both of you don’t speak the same language.
I only knew “Nǐ hǎo” because it’s the most common greeting that everyone must know before coming to China. And that word helped me make many friends in Beijing, or péngyou!
But of course, having péngyou isn’t easy, especially when outsiders have a notion that the Chinese, especially tourists, are not so friendly, and worse, rude. Of course, there are a lot of awkward instances wherein Chinese tourists kinda disrupt the normalcy in foreign places…
Like at an airport…

Or on a beach in Thailand…

Or in Paris…

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P is for Péngyǒu
One interesting thing is that even my closest Chinese friend thinks that her compatriots are not friendly at all. I asked her why; she replied that she finds other Chinese untrustworthy, and worse, selfish.
With all of these, an outsider might ask, “Are the Chinese really not friendly at all?” Okay, it’s subjective and a mostly contentious thing to discuss. But let’s put things into perspective. What I see is that the perceived “unfriendliness” by the Chinese might have something to do with their “closed” society that’s slowly opening up — after conquest and wars, and also after decades of poverty. Moreover, the Chinese definitely have customs and mores that are different to other cultures (of course, that’s a normal thing, right?) given that they live in a huge country with a lot of ethnic backgrounds.
Meanwhile, China-Mike.com, explains that China’s “closed” society goes back to the Confucius…

[Confucius’] teachings [emphasize] family bonds and nurturing your own web of relationships (guanxi).
One result is that the Chinese—consciously or otherwise—see the world in terms of two groups of people: Their own circle of relationships on one side, and everyone else on the other. In other words, they have a much stronger distinction between “In” versus “Out” groups.
On the flip side, however, the Chinese tend to be indifferent—suspicious or sometimes hostile even—towards strangers and those outside their network.
One negative consequence of this In-Out group mindset is that many Chinese feel no obligation to treat strangers with the level of respect that Westerners take for granted.

These distinctions are said to be related to China’s long history, as what this BBC Trending video explains.

Again, it’s not about having stereotypes that the Chinese are rude and un-péngyou-ly. To strike an optimistic note here, why not start the conversation and make friends? Say nǐ hǎo and smile… and who knows, you might win a péngyou! As China-Mike.com explains…

Many appreciate it, especially those who used to dealing with foreigners. Instead, I’m telling you not to be offended when you only get back a blank stare. The Chinese just aren’t used to strangers smiling, waving, or saying “hello” out of the blue. Instead, their confused heads are probably trying to figure out why this grinning laowai is talking to them in the first place.

Next on #AtoZChallenge in China: We visit a historical railway station in Beijing that’s soon to be demolished by the government.
Featured photo from Project Pengyou. Pengyou photo from Han Trainer.

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See more of my #AtoZChallenge: Chinese Adventure