Travel Stories: Feeling Lost in the Middle of Spain

Someone advised me that when I feel lost, I should travel. But when your mind just doesn’t work, how will you prepare for that journey?

Unlike my previous trip inspired by my encyclopedia reading sessions back home, the premise of my recent spring 2019 holiday was to get a breather. I sank into anxious states of mind that started at the beginning of summer last year and lasted until winter. If they would be considered depressive moods, I don’t (want to) know. What was clear was they were my “China days.”

My mind was in disarray around two months before my vacation, though Lisbon was already in the plan. I ended up booking a flight to Madrid.

What the heck will I do in Spain when I have already been there?  My flight to Madrid, booked. Impulsively.

Fast forward to when I arrived in the Spanish capital in January 2019. It still looked the same as when I had visited it two years ago. I booked my day trips while in Beijing, since it’s easier to pay by WeChat. Beyond that, I planned less and just let things happen, which I’m glad I did.

I joined a tour of the city of Segovia to see its famed Roman aqueduct, then later to the fortified medieval city of Avila, where the acclaimed film Kingdom of Heaven was filmed.

 

 

 
My next destination was Seville, which I had already visited in 2017. Its location in southern Spain makes it a strategic base for backpackers wanting to see historic cities and natural landscapes in the Andalucian region and then cross borders to Portugal (via bus to Lisbon) or Morocco (via bus to Tarifa, then ferry to Tangier).

Just when I thought I was familiar with the Sevillan settings, I still scrambled to find the way to my hostel upon arrival. Blame it on my over-reliance on technology.

There, however, I found solace in artisanal shops hidden on the dizzying streets full of snacks and souvenirs. I completely avoided the tourist attractions and instead settled for long strolls, and let my thoughts wander along with me. Because even if I was in Spain, my mind was still glued on Beijing and the causes of my anxiety episodes.

 

 

 

 

 
As the next leg of my trip would be in Morocco, I traveled from Seville to the southern port town of Tarifa. This small town may not be visually rich in Spanish terms but it is geographically significant. Tarifa is continental Europe’s southernmost location and from a vantage point, you can see where the Atlantic Ocean and the Mediterranean Sea meet.

The vast expanse of the water colliding against two continents was a satisfying sight. I spent almost half of the day sitting idly at the top of the breakwater while looking at the sky, sea, and sand. I’ve seen a lot of sunsets, and a view from the Atlantic Ocean would be a fantastic addition to my gallery. My expectation was different from reality, though. The fiery sunset was engulfed by dark clouds.

 

 
It was during these solitary moments, however, when it dawned on me that feeling lost was not necessarily a miserable emotion, but a chance to get everything together and continue finding a way. Not many people have the luxury of time or money or traveling while young, but there I was in the middle of Spain, spending my hard-earned resources and taking pleasure in just feeling lost. It’s a costly way to realize it, indeed.

The sound of raindrops overnight put me to a gentle sleep. The following morning was clear and warm, perfect for a one-hour sail southward to Morocco.

 
Photos: Andy Penafuerte III